his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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