Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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