I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
