I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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