a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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