Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
