Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im part way to drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
