now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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