the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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