I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
