Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
