Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
