are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
