he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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