tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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