I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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