i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
