Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
