I got chris browned last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
