ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
