he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
