She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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