If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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