I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
