I want to make a zoo with you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
