god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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