i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
