My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
