her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
