Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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