Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
