I heard we made out
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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