U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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