I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
