Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize