dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal