just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.