Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.