dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.