Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up

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(816): I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up http://tfl.nu/d7fo

Replies (25) Good night (850) Bad night (5600)
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(917): View more from New York City

Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that

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(917): Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that http://tfl.nu/jdka

Replies (6) Good night (5665) Bad night (722)
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(972): View more from Texas

You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

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(972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp

Replies (88) Good night (9939) Bad night (1897)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead

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(336): I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead http://tfl.nu/oo5k

Replies (19) Good night (1600) Bad night (4757)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode

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(610): I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode http://tfl.nu/uv7a

Replies (29) Good night (7277) Bad night (1051)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

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(603): I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again. http://tfl.nu/0sqv

Replies (23) Good night (1647) Bad night (4974)
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(980): View more from North Carolina

You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

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(980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr

Replies (12) Good night (2168) Bad night (3355)
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(773): View more from Illinois

literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in

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(773): literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in http://tfl.nu/d9qi

Replies (8) Good night (4140) Bad night (2035)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

no. you cant fuck a burger.

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(215): dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house (1-215): no. you cant fuck a burger. http://tfl.nu/5325

Replies (9) Good night (2697) Bad night (1143)
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(248): View more from Michigan

They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.

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(248): They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends. http://tfl.nu/ovl3

Replies (12) Good night (3885) Bad night (917)
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(714): View more from California

When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.

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(714): When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value. http://tfl.nu/r3cp

Replies (16) Good night (806) Bad night (2984)
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(708): View more from Illinois

It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.

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(708): It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin. http://tfl.nu/e5ml

Replies (12) Good night (1051) Bad night (668)
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(360): View more from Washington

I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.

(360): View more from Washington

I hate that cat.

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(360): I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg. (360): I hate that cat. http://tfl.nu/6981

Replies (5) Good night (626) Bad night (426)
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(407): View more from Florida

I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.

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(407): I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect. http://tfl.nu/ydf2

Replies (0) Good night (692) Bad night (388)
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(647): View more from Ontario

We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works

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(647): We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works http://tfl.nu/o9x9

Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (208)

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