john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you bring me the toilet please
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus