so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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