Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT