Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
