I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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