they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All the doctor said was why
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
