sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
