i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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