My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
