despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
