I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
