Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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