; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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