Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
