We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like having sex with a tree stump
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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