U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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