We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
