Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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