I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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