well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so let's talk penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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