Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
