Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
