She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
