i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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