dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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