you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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