I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
