She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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