My Higher Power is John Stamos
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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