Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
