So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
