she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
