Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize